Tired Of Being Tired

by I'm Not Dead/I'm Not A Robot

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Tired Of Being Tired is a concept album about insomnia, its causes and consequences, and its resolution. I've fought several intense bouts with sleeplessness in the past. These six songs are, in part, treatment for my own insomnia, which hasn't dropped by uninvited in a very long time. For those of you who suffer or have suffered from insomnia, keep fighting. It can be really fucking intense sometimes, and can make being happy harder work than it already is. It's easy to own it as a badge and consider sleep the enemy like I did for years, but biology knows better than that.

See a doctor. Do the things the doctor says. If your insomnia doesn't respond to doctor things, see if there's any unfinished business rocking around inside your head, see what you can do to finish some of it. For me, not creating things for public consumption was some particularly heavy unfinished business. I've never slept as well as I have since I started INDINAR. Thank you all so much for your support over the last year and a half. It's been an absolute dream come true.


released March 28, 2012

Produced by Jason McLaughlin and Thomas Maddux
Recorded by Thomas Maddux at Old Fashioned Records
Mixed by Cody D Fitzpatrick
Mastered By Thomas Maddux and Jason McLaughlin

All songs written and performed by Jason McLaughlin

Art by Whittney Streeter - whittneyastreeter.com

An Old Fashioned Records Release

© 2012 Jason McLaughin

Thanks to: All my friends; my roommates Thomas, Turkeyes, and Tom, who have put up with endless hours of me being bad at recording; Whittney Streeter; Cody Fitzpatrick; Jim May; Music Go Round - Saint Paul; The Broken Bicycles; everyone who ever put a nightmare, existential crisis, monster, or otherwise upsetting brain disruption into my head; everyone who didn't; people who make endlessly clever jokes of wordplay based on my band name; everybody in the world who gives enough of a shit to do the right thing, rather than just talk about it; robots, without which I would be lost; everybody who supported the last release and didn't get impatient waiting for this one; and the makers of Gatorade.

Recorded using: Two trusty condenser microphones, a Behringer Xenyx-1204 mixer/compressor, Audacity, a Washburn Augusta with the prettiest marbled maple body, D'Addario EJ40 Silk & Steel strings, Dunlop Tortex .73 mm (yellow) guitar picks, my voice (performance enhanced by Lemon Gatorade Sports Drink), a standard dining room, Blivson & Sons Custom Stomping Foot Steadying Harness (2 - They're much cheaper than recording in zero gravity), mustache man.

For lyrics, updates, concert info, other recordings, and more visit www.indinar.com



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Track Name: Infant Hours
In the infant hours
Of a cold winter morning
With nowhere to go
With nothing to do
I trade sleep for certainty
I guess

Everybody’s got a piece of advice
That’s better than yours
So much better than yours
It’s about zinc or exercise
They sleep better than you
So much better than you

Mind racing like a snail on crack
Thinking of this
And then thinking of that
I give up on sleep
And coffee my blood

Everybody’s got a happy little life
That’s better than yours
So much better than yours
They ignore the pain and power through the strife
‘Cause they’re better than you
So much better than you
Track Name: Circles In My Heart
Sometimes I can’t
Sleep at night
Because the monsters
In my head give me
Such a fright
That’s not true
They’re not monsters
But they’re really in my head
Invited or not
They’re all there and undead
And damn, they keep me awake
Till my zeroes and ones
Get all demagnetized
And my brain gets so angry
At a beautiful sunrise

Cause it’s one more confusing day
One more hazy day
When I’ll be away
From my deepest wants
And my deepest needs
Away from them
And myself indeed
Oh it’s so bright
And I’m so tired

So I stay awake
And wake my stay
And write it out until one day
I can feel comfortable again
And my guts subside to quiet

It’s a lot of hurt
And a lot of tears
A lot of piling on the years
Toward the certain
Inevitable something I must be

And the worried ones
Run circles in my heart
Till it skips a beat and beats a skip
The doctors can’t chart
On the fanciest charting machine
In the whole ER
But that’s not my whole heart
That’s just the electronic part

So I stay awake
And wake my stay
And write it out until one day
I can’t feel comfortable again
And my guts are never quiet

It’s a lot of hurt
And a lot of tears
A lot of piling on the years
Toward some certain
Inevitable something I don’t wanna be

Cause there’s too much time
All stuck in the past
Not enough is left until the last
Breath I will take
To get done what I need

So I stay awake
And wake my stay
And write it out until one day
I die
And my life subsides to quiet
Track Name: A Million More
When I was a little boy
I made a million things
They mostly live in boxes now
Bundled tight with strings

When I got big
I went and tried
To make a million more
To write some words and sing some songs
The world could not ignore

But here I grasp and grope around
With the wordings that I write
And nothing quite seems good enough
And everything feels trite

Little me didn't worry
About what was trite or not
He had some fun and had it good
And had a fucking lot

But here I grasp and grope around
With the wordings that I write
And nothing quite seems good enough
And everything feels trite

Yeah here I grasp and grope around
With the wordings that I write
And nothing quite seems good enough
And everything feels trite
Everything feels trite
Everything feels trite
Track Name: Threads Of Light
All the happy poems
In the world can’t save me from me
When I’m like this
And all I know is to sing, to write,
Myself to sleep tonight

It’s been one more
Empty day
One more
Fade away
And that's not much
But they can’t take that away

From me

They say the earth is done
And one day that the sun
Will grow then shrink and then explode
And all the creatures will just die
And so will I

The space between here and nowhere
The switch that lightning flipped
Will be unflipped again
No where, no why, no when

Without me

And there I go again
Mistaking myself for the world
I just love the narrow bands of light
That can sustain thriving

Life all the way through to the dawn
I’d be so sad if it were gone
And what’s right now if not just hanging on

By threads
Of light
Of light
Of light
Track Name: If I Could Change the World
If I could sleep
If I could sleep against all this noise
Then I would sleep
But like a thunder cloud, it's so loud
And I'm in deep
The cars say "beep"

If I could sing
If I could sing and be distinguished
For one salient, sentient sentiment
Then I would sing and have it sung by
Speakers in the town square
Hung up in the town square

If I could draw
If I could draw with my right hand
Half as well as most folks can
I would take up the pen and then
I would draw a breath of free air
I'd draw a breath of free air

If I could fail
If I could fail I'd fail at failure
And frame and put it on display
A triumph of humanity
Hanging next to a Monet
Up in there in that Louvre
It can't possibly improve

If I could build
If I could build I'd build a tower
Stretching toward the sun so tall
And the bunkers with their missile beams
Wouldn't stand a chance at all
That's why they're underground
Subterranites all around
No sunlight to be found

If I could preach
If I could preach to all those people
Sitting in the their pews and rows
I'd talk about the time they'd spent
Manning heavy spades and hoes
In the garden of another man
His Eden, while you toil and plan
He takes and takes and takes
And don't let go!

If I could cry
I'd cry for all the children
And the child I was before
Your culture bath drowned out my soul
Left stillborn on the floor
Through no fucking happenstance
It barely ever had a chance
And soaring to the surface
Now it's screaming out for more

If I could speak
If I could speak in every language
Then I wouldn't have to spend
So much time talking in English
'Bout why all this shit must end
I'd talk in all of them
I'd talk in all of them

If I could sleep I'd rest my weary eyes
From staring at the screen
But for now there's so much horror
That daily goes unseen
And it's left out of all the papers
And the glossy magazines
Left out of conversation
Gently filtered with a screen
Left to bounce about like babies
On some distant trampoline
Out of sight where it can't scare us
Into finding a vaccine.
Track Name: Goodnight
Now the day is done
Now my song is sung
Enemies are slung
Over my shoulder

Off to sleep and dreams
Metaphors and themes
Come in rolls and reams
Into my brain

'Cause all my work is done
All my songs are sung
Lingering notes are hung
On memorable hooks (memorable hook)

Everything feels right
And I will sleep, not fight
Against dreams tonight
In a rainbow-skyed landscape